Critical Listening Avoiding Miscommunication

Regardless of your profession or social status, listening is an essential skill. Believe it or not, most people are sure they are an excellent listener; thus, there is no need to develop an already mastered skill. Instead, time can be better appropriated to learn more useful ones. 

In a recent study involving 8,000 people employed in different businesses, hospitals, universities, and the military found that most of the participants felt that they are as good as or better listeners than their co-workers. Based on this study, it is no surprise that most people don’t see the need to invest time into developing such a crucial skill. 

Conversely, a similar study indicates that the average person shows only 25% proficiency in listening. People are often distracted by the environment, engrossed into unrelated thoughts, or thinking about how they need to respond.

Another problem is that oftentimes, people tend to be a selective listener, meaning they pay attention to a few keywords and ignore the rest. All the while thinking they effectively listened because they can recall a few keywords from an entire conversation.

While the research of listening has not reached the levels of other subjects — leadership, goal setting, etc — in recent years researchers have made significant progress with new discoveries.

What is Critical Listening

Critical listening is a listening that involves analysis, critical thinking, and some judgment. As a critical listener, you are actively listening to all parts of the message, then digest and analyze and evaluate what you heard. Critical listening is an essential component of critical thinking because you attain the information and use it to come up with a decision.

Listening Versus Hearing

There is a huge difference between listening and hearing. Being able to hear and repeat words does not mean you are listening.

Hearing is an involuntary action. Scientifically speaking, hearing happens when the vocal expressions reach your eardrums. You can hear someone speaking Greek, or Russian, or hear a truck driving by. But does not mean you are comprehending what is being said.

Conversely, listening involves hearing, processing, and understanding. It requires participation, which means you have to engage. You have to be concentrated and aware so that you can give a meaning to what you are hearing.

Seven Types of Listeners

Experts identify seven different types of listeners. Now it is time to get honest with yourself, read the types of listeners, and see which one you associate best with.

The Preoccupied

The one who is doing something else while the speaker is talking. For instance, tapping your foot, or watching the clock or scrolling through your phone. The person will come across as rushed and constantly looking around or doing something else. Those types of listeners are also referred to as multitaskers.

The Daydreamers

As the name mentions, daydreamers are the type of listeners who daydream instead of listening. They are physically there, but mentally they are in another world. You can usually tell a daydreamer listener by the look on their faces — usually a blank look as they think of something completely different than what is being said.

The Interrupters

These are ready to chime in at any given time. They are just waiting on the most opportune time. Those are the ones who are ready to complete the sentence for you. They are not really listening, they are focused on trying to figure out what you are going to say next, and what they have to say.

The Combatives

The combative listeners are not listening to understand; they are listening to use what you are saying as ammunition against you. They are armed and ready for a good argument. They enjoy disagreeing and blaming others.

The Analysts

Always trying to be counselors or therapists. They are ready to analyze and solve your problems and provide you with solutions — always in a fixed mode. They analyze your words and try to find help even when you don’t ask for it.

The Whatevers

These types of listeners are the ones who don’t really care about what you are saying. They remain aloof and show little emotion when listening.

The Engagers

Consciously aware listeners. They listen with their eyes, ears, and hearts. They try to understand the speaker by putting themselves in their shoes. This is the type of listening that reaches the highest levels. Their listening skills encourage you to keep on talking.

Most people do not listen with the intent of understand; they listen with the intent to reply

Stephen R. Covey

Importance of Listening

As previously mentioned, most people consider themselves great listeners. That’s because they seldom realize what was missed in a conversation. You can run your own research. Gather a group of people and ask them to pass a message. By the time it reaches the last person, you will see the message received is not even close to the one given.

Listening is the first and most important among the five basic interpersonal communication skills — listening, talking, influencing, solving problems cooperatively, resolving conflicts.

It is a crucial factor in conflict resolution and problem-solving while enhancing all other interpersonal skills. It improves relationships — personal and professional. Some of the most successful leaders attribute part of their success to listening.

Active listening is a proven psychological technique that aids therapists in building rapport by creating a safe and comfortable atmosphere that encourages clients to discuss their thoughts and feelings. Hence, mastering the skill will improve your social skills.

Listening in the Workplace

In the last hundred years, the importance of listening in most jobs has drastically increased. As jobs have become more complex, and interaction with others is essential, critical listening and interpersonal skills are a valuable aptitude. Critical listening boosts performance.

According to a study conducted by the Center for Creativity, where it compared successful executives with some that had their career derailed. The successful ones had one consistent pattern, they were excellent listeners.

Whether you are an entrepreneur, an employee, or a student, listening skill is a powerful tool. Mastering this technique will give you a tremendous advantage.

Instant Shutdown Phrases

Certain phrases can instantly shut down the communication between two people. If you find yourself saying any of these, stop, as the other person will feel unheard.

• don’t be ridiculous
• it’ll cost too much
• that’s not my responsibility
• we don’t have time
• we’ve never done that before
• that’s not the way we do things
• we’re not ready for that
• it will never sell
• if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
• you can’t teach an old dog new tricks
• we’ll become the laughingstock of the entire company
• we tried that before but didn’t work
• it’s too radical to change
• it simply can’t be done
• it’s not my problem
• let’s get back to reality
• I need to go over the numbers again
• it’s not in our budget
• it won’t work here
• if it doesn’t work, you will be the one to blame
• I don’t agree, but if you insist
• are you crazy?

Again, these phrases have a tendency to shut down the speaker, which causes a break in communication. You as the listener, must ensure you are creating a favorable environment for a free flow of communication.

But, how do you sharpen a skill that is so often forgotten?

1. Active listen

Listening is not a passive action; you have to be in the moment. First, you must set a tone and allow the opportunity for the person to think and speak. You need to stop any other activity and focus on the person talking. Pay attention to more than just words, listen to the tone of voice, observe the facial expression, and notice the body language. Avoid trying to come up with what to say next, instead focus on the person and what they are saying.

Experts agree that we base 7 percent of our communication on spoken words. Thirty-eight and fifty-five percent of what we communicate is based on voice inflection and non-verbal behavior, respectively. Non-verbal communication is a subject on its own.

At times, it will require you to ask questions and, when appropriate, paraphrase what the speaker is saying. This exercise lets the person know that you understand what they are trying to communicate, at the same time it helps you to remember what is being said.

2. Show empathy

Empathy gives you the ability to emotionally comprehend other people’s feelings, why their actions make sense to them, and how to respond to the situation appropriately. Additionally, it drastically increases your communication skills as it can help you impart your ideas in a manner that makes sense to others.

Regardless of your feelings for the speaker, whether you agree with them or not, or your interest in what they are saying, ultimately, it is important to them. Try to imagine yourself in their shoes, treat them with kindness as you listen to the message they are trying to impart. Even if what they are saying irritates you. Ask what difficulties the speaker is experiencing and really try to understand the message and where they are coming from.

3. Pick up key points of the conversation

Most people have trouble focusing, especially if the speech takes longer than one minute. Make eye contact as it helps to keep your focus. When you feel your attention is drifting away, try to pick up the key points in the conversation. Do not interrupt while someone is speaking. Repeat the key points and ask questions during the appropriate times.

Give the speaker a consistent reaction indicating you are paying attention. Expressive reactions such as knotting head, or a concerned look, whatever is appropriate for the occasion. Additionally, verbal encouragement is also accepted, saying something like, “Wow. Tell me about it.”

4. Keep an open mind

Genuinely listen to the speaker without judging or mentally criticizing them. As soon as you pass a judgment into the conversation, you have compromised your listening effectiveness. Similarly, the speaker is trying to impart what or how they are feeling, listen attentively without jumping into conclusions, as you do not know how the speaker feels.

When the speaker struggles to find words, don’t be a sentence-grabber. At times your brain might be moving faster than the speed of the person speaking; don’t interrupt trying to finish the sentences. For the most part, the sentence being finished is not what the speaker was trying to say.

5. Don’t interrupt

Interrupting someone while speaking sends an underlying message that you are more important than them, or you really don’t care what they think. When listening to someone talking about a problem, unless you are asked, don’t offer a solution.

If you don’t understand something, wait for a natural pause and politely ask the speaker to clarify your question. Something similar to “I’m not sure if I understood what you said about… “

Common Listening Missteps

At first, the anti listening responses might seem inoffensive, but certain questions or actions can block communication — even those that you might think it will help. For instance, is it wrong to re-assure someone worried? What is the harm of asking questions?

We all have been in a situation where we are talking to someone and their body language gives us the vibe that they are not really interested in. To avoid such situations where the conversation is derailed, you must watch out for the following, and be aware of constructive response.

Too Soon

Timing is everything. Too soon is when you switch from the listener to the speaker without giving the other person a chance to finish expressing himself. Even if your remarks are helpful, it will not be as pleasant as if you had waited for the right timing. Conversations are burden with these missteps too often. But most people are not even aware they are cutting off others.

Disagreeing or Agreeing

Disagreeing or agreeing is when the listener prematurely evaluates what the speaker is saying without listening to the end. Especially if you know the speaker, it is more likely that you will feel the urge to agree or disagree. If you are having an argument, you might be even more inclined to put the speaker’s idea on trial; you might even check out mentally.

Obviously agreeing or disagreeing is natural, and part of a conversation. The point that I am making is when agreeing or disagreeing too soon, or too often will derail the communication. It is crucial to allow the speaker to make his point.

Criticizing

Psychologist Carl Rogers suggested that one of the reasons we fall short on critical listening is because of our tendency to judge, evaluate, approve, or disapprove the statements of the other person. When listening to someone, don’t draw up your own conclusion, or criticize the speaker. Instead, you should listen until the person got his point across.

Conclusion

In a high-tech world, carrying a conversation is still one of the most powerful methods of communication for anyone. While speaking is a highly sought skill, people have a tendency to overlook effective listening, which is just as, if not more important than speaking.

Listening goes beyond just the words coming out of someone’s mouth. It involves facial expression, tone of voice, and body language that could be delivering an underlying message that just words cannot express. To be a good listener, it is crucial to give your full attention to the speaker while observing their demeanor.

Of course, listening is a skill that will require a lot of practice to master it. However, this article covers simple strategies that will give you a jump start. Following the advice provided in this post will drastically increase your ability to listen and really understand what the speaker is trying to say.

What type of listener are you? And what are your most common missteps?